I have always had a humanitarian spirit from a very young age, I remember stories my parents would tell me about my interactions with other people, and as a February Aquarius I am still like that, and with adulting now wrapped up in this beautiful quality I have it is truly kicking my big behind and I almost left that behind. That would be a mistake.
Day 6 of a 7-Day meditation “challenge”
With all the experiences I had this past year, from the triumphant to the most devastating ones. I am realizing that the biggest mistake I am making through this journey is attaching, Attaching my worth to all that I have accomplished, and this I believe is for a couple of reasons, it is very dangerous attaching yourself and your self-worth to something outside of you, I hope I am making sense. Because that is a form of idolizing and I am not religious but spiritual however I can understand why a lot of direction is taken from The Bible. Idolizing material possessions removes the self from a manifestation that comes from the self.
Every time I go through a Tower moment I go through a cycle, that I realize has a pattern to it that’s similar to grieving, I always start with being in denial or a blind hope where I still believe that this is just a hiccup and not an actual awakening, to actually realizing that shit is going down, excuse my french. To now letting the ego take over; “from victimizing myself, and I mean I know going through an awakening is not a small feat now, to really going into panic mode, “OMG, am I going to lose my stuff, what am I going to do?, Am I a failure?” I mean all the questions you could imagine. Till I realize that “you’re just driving yourself crazy or sick”, to you surrendering and remembering your belief system and your support system, this is typically when I go back to my hometown. Home to me is like the deepest grounding meditation ever! Being home is to reset, recharge, and get ready to go back to war.
What led me to be the person I am today, with all that I have achieved?
You always read things, resonate with sayings, quotes, and other people’s stories and you’re like “Mmh”, or “Wow” In admiration of someone’s resilience in their story or even your personal experiences that were there to teach you something, and you’re like I’ve definitely learned my lesson here, only to find out that you didn’t quite fully understand it.
I think honestly not knowing a lot I could only learn from my experiences and not beat myself up for not figuring it out just yet. Shaming myself after the 2020 lessons wasn’t the best way for me to deal with anything in my life. This mindset might’ve been necessary then for me to survive but I don’t need it now. Believing everything my brain tells me is also another tool I need to continue to learn and perfect it, I used to really have a hard time organising my thoughts they would really make me miserable.
Letting all that truly go in 2024.
What mistakes did I make? Were they really mistakes?
2020! I followed a dream without a strategy and a plan. This I believe was a point where my self was crying out for help because, for the longest time, I was suppressing and been in survival mode until now in terms of really feeling like the first time I truly and purely following my heart and it epically failed! As an Aquarius this shattered my ego because the plan was to follow my ultimate dream life; I had started my Spanish lessons and checked the costs to live in Murcia or Barcelona, at least for a year. Now it seems like I had everything planned and figured out but I didn’t make sure I secured an income for when I got there. But that was minor because I have friends in the UK and I know I would’ve figured something out in a couple of months, this wasn’t the first time I moved to a city without a full plan.
Now I don’t know whether Covid was the Devil in my journey or just divine intervention because Covid hit and everything truly went to shit. Everything closed.
I mean whichever path I was going to go through I realised now that I was always going to be ok, it’s my calling that will always come back to remind me that, it’s time to try again. Literally for the past 3 years around the same time, October, I go through a tower moment.
“You will go through a lesson as many times as necessary for you to understand and learn from it”
I have been preaching this to so many people, friends, and strangers who ask me for advice that the universe was literally knocking me in the face with this.
What have I learned?
We’re all in this weird simulation to actually learn and figure first oneself, and how to evolve oneself, all the other crap in between is all about trial and error. This is our first time here and our first time being human, I truly need to be a little kinder to myself.
Let go of this debilitating fear of failure and or loss. Everything I have accomplished I manifested, I co-created with God, Source, and the Universe, I can do it again or differently! It’s all up to me.
I was and currently am reading a book, a very controversial book called Conversations with God and let me tell you I was ready for the mind fvck that came with reading that book but I now realise it was a great thing for me to have read that book because it brought me back to before 2020 where I was brave enough to unpack something, try to understand it, discern, and continue with my journey through my life’s alchemy. I had to stop reading the book or let me say take a break from reading the book it was making me lose my belief system I spent years discovering and learning, so I pressed pause.
But now I understand why I needed to read it. To help get to this lesson. I am free as a child of God I am free, I have free will. I am here to learn, discover, and grow, through self, through my ancestors, and most importantly through God.
What am I letting go of?
I feel like a huge weight off my shoulders, I no longer feel the need to force and control situations and outcomes in my life, I am surrendering, I am choosing to live in my femininity, and in my ultimate purpose on this earth. Me.
I never know when I start writing where I am going with the articles, I just feel pushed to write because this is how I heal and hopefully help others heal. I hope you use these prompts I used in this article for your journaling or even your meditation, if you’re going through change. This helped and still helps me.
Share with me your experiences and how this might have helped you, and if you’re planning to use it, share it with your loved ones going forward.
Love Kea <3